Speed Limit

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car ...
over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
HAHAHA! :D

21st June.....India declares International yoga day.

22nd June....millions of people who did yoga on 21st June wake up with severe body aches and pain.

23rd June....Thailand declares International Massage Day. 😂😂😂😂

Namboodiri, An International Brand

Doctor: Which soap do you use?
Patient: Namboodiri's soap.
Doctor: Paste?
Patient: Namboodiri's paste
Doctor: Shampoo?
Patient: - . Namboodiri's shampoo.
Doctor: Is Namboodiri an international brand?
Patient: No.
Namboodiri is my Roommate

Haridwar Kumbh Mela

WhatsApp Joke

Surprised Bacteria !!!

DOCTOR: why did you take your Medicine at 6 am yet I told you 9 am..?

PATIENT: I wanted to surprise the Bacteria....

Apple vs Microsoft

Apple vs Microsoft
Beat this one..!!

Notice on entry gate of a Apple Store in NY :-

"Don't ever fart here;
the smell will stay for ages.
We don't have Windows"

 And Tit for Tat from Microsoft in their premises..

"Anyone visiting us here can be free to use Windows in case you need to release stale gas from yesterday's half eaten apple.
We have been providing open window systems to the world since ages"

Breaking News: Mexican President drives Modi to restaurant for dinner

News: Mexican President drives Modi to restaurant for dinner

Reactions in India

Rahul Gandhi: Farmers are dying in India and Modi is busy in restaurants.

Sonia Gandhi: Modi is treating Mexican president as a driver. So bad of him. He thinks himself as a Shahenshah

Sitaram Yechuri: Modi is doing secret business dealings with Mexican president in the car

Lalu Prasad: Yeh Modiya to pagla gaya hai. President ki Gadi me chadhne ke liye Mexico pahuch gaya.

Rajdeep Sardesai: We must investigate night time activities of Modi in Mexico in details. Is he on a secret mission with the president of Mexico?

Kejriwal: My question is – does the Mexican President has a valid driving license. I demand a high level inquiry into this.

Interesting notice boards

Forest Dept:

"Shoot the bird with camera not with Gun..."

Traffic Dept:

"Donate blood, But not on Roads..."

Petrol Pump:

"No smoking" " Your life may be worthless but our petrol is Costly"


Hospital Board:-

"Want to watch porn, even after your Death?
"DONATE YOUR EYES" 

Today is Rahul's birthday :-)

So his wife decides to surprise him, she takes him to a Strip Club.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Rahul! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Rahul: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Rahul?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Rahul: He's on the Bowling Team!

HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Rahul?

The Wife storms out...... dragging Rahul with her, into a taxi!

TAXI DRIVER: Hey Rahul boy .... You picked an ugly one this time ... Same Hotel?

Tomorrow is Rahul's funeral :-(

A jobless man applied for the job  of "sweeper" at Microsoft.

The HR interviewed him..

Then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are Appointed" he said.

"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in".

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager...

"If you don't have an email, that means u do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all.

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket & buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a Door to Door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.

He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realised that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life Insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.

When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!"

The man thought for a while and replied,
"Yes, I'd be a sweeper at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

1) Internet/email/bbm/whatsapp is not the solution to your life.

2) If you don't have facebook a/c., internet/email/bbm/whatsapp , and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Universal rule of Banking

It was five in the evening, the bank was almost closed.

All of a sudden, the Branch Manager received a phone call from a lady.

In a sweet voice she said - sir I urgently need Rs.100,000. I'll reach your bank in 10 minutes. Could you please wait for me?

Her voice was so captivating that the Branch Manager could not say no.

He instructed his cashier to keep the cash ready. The cashier obeyed his boss with great reluctance .

After a while, a lady with ugliest of face a huge tummy and a very uncommon figure came to the bank, presented a cheque to the BM and asked for the money.

The BM was taken aback, as he was expecting a cute lady.

He immediately told the lady that they had already closed the cash for the day and she should come next day.

The cashier was so furious and he asked the BM, if his intention was not to pay, why he was made to sit late.

BM -I wanted to help her. But its the Universal rule of banking that........
.

.

.

.

If "words and figures don't match, payment will be declined". 

Don't Laugh Alone

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged

Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?

(This is called "Positive Thinking" 😄😄)


Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.

Doc :- How come???

Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜

(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" 👍)


A Man wrote to SBI. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".

(This is self confidence in its peak 😂😂)


 An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astronomically, it tells that there are millions of galaxies and planets.
Father slaps the son hard and says- "Idiot, someone has stolen our tent"

MORAL:
Too much education can spoil our common sense. 😄😄

Don't Laugh Alone
 Share it 😉

Don't get senti always. ..

Always remember in life that when no one is with you,
And when all the doors are closed around you
.
.
.
It means

U r in the toilet..
.
.
Don't get senti always. ..

పరీక్ష బాగానే రాశాననుకున్న ఒక విద్యార్థి

పరీక్ష బాగానే రాశాననుకున్న ఒక విద్యార్థి
తనకు సున్నా మార్కులు వచ్చే సరికి ఆశ్చర్యపోయాడు. రీవాల్యుయెషన్ కోసం దరఖాస్తు చేశాడు. మళ్ళీ సున్నా మార్కులే వచ్చాయి. తాను ప్రశ్నలన్నిటికీ జవాబులు రాసినా ఎం దుకిలా జరుగుతుందో అర్థంకాక న్యాయస్థానాన్ని ఆశ్రయించాడు. అక్కడ కోర్టులో తన క్లయింటు రాసిన జవాబులు సరి అయినవేనని, తప్పు అయితే రుజువు చేయమని వాదించాడు విద్యార్థి తరపు లాయరు. ఆ ప్రశ్నలనీ, విద్యార్ధి రాసిన జవాబులని చదివి వినిపించమన్నారు జడ్జి గారు. అవి ఇలా ఉన్నాయి:

• ప్రశ్న: టిప్పు సుల్తాన్ ఏ యుద్ధంలో మరణించాడు ?
• జవాబు : అతను పాల్గొన్న చివరి యుద్ధంలో
• ప్రశ్న : భారత దేశానికి స్వాతంత్ర్యం ఇస్తూ ఎక్కడ సంతకం చేశారు ?
• జవాబు : పేజీ చివరన 
• ప్రశ్న : మహాత్మా గాంధీ ఎప్పుడు జన్మించారు ?
• జవాబు : ఆయన పుట్టిన రోజున
• ప్రశ్న : భార్యా భర్తల మధ్య విడాకులకు ప్రధాన కారణం ఏంటి ?
• జవాబు : పెళ్ళి
• ప్రశ్న : ఆరు మామిడి పళ్ళను ఎనిమిది మందికి సమానంగా ఎలా పంచుతావు ?
• జవాబు : మాంగో షేక్ చేసి
• ప్రశ్న : గంగా ఫ్లోస్ ఇన్ విచ్ స్టేట్ ?
• జవాబు : లిక్విడ్ స్టేట్
• ప్రశ్న : భారతదేశంలో ఎక్కువ మంచు పడే చోటు ? 
• జవాబు : మందు గ్లాసులో
• ప్రశ్న : హిందూ చట్టం రెండవ వివాహాన్ని ఎందుకు అంగీకరించదు ?
• జవాబు : భారతీయ చట్టం లోని ఆర్టికల్ 20 (2) ప్రకారం ఒక మనిషి చేసిన by ఒకే నేరానికి రెండు సార్లు శిక్ష విధించకూడదు కాబట్టి..

నవ్వండి నవ్వించండి.........